Busy Bee

Back when I was in college, a very well-meaning person that I respected once told me "if he can't make us bad, he'll make us busy." Well I took this to heart, dang it. I tried off and on to stop being so dang busy, with very little success. So I just kept on being busy and feeling guilty for it. This had been going off and on for about 6 years or so.

About a year ago, the familiar twinge of dissatisfaction with my "busy" trait had resurfaced and I had been feeling convicted. When I was praying about this one day, God spoke to me and very clearly told me: I made you this way. And it was like a switch had been flipped and I felt free from the guilt that I had associated with being busy. I was relieved, to say the least.

So. I quit worrying so much about being busy and set about enjoying it. And do you know what I did with this new found freedom of mine? I started doing more stuff.

Hm...

Somehow, it just made sense to me that I could release myself to DO more because God had set me free from feeling guilty for doing so much. Go whole hog, you know?

And what do you think happened? Yep, I got tired! And started feeling guilty (and frustrated) for doing so much that I made myself tired. Haha. Anyone seeing the irony here? Ah! I totally abused something God meant for good. I had eaten too much ice cream at the ice cream truck. Geez. Thankfully, God loves me too much to just zap me off the planet.

This happens to me often, actually. I get all excited about sewing something or reading a new book (two things I've actually been doing the past few weeks that have been wearing me out, hah). Then I dive in 100% and forget about cooking, cleaning the house, and sometimes grocery shopping for a few days or a week. Then when I finish whatever I was working on, or at least take a break from it, I resurface and realize I need to cook dinner but there are no groceries. Ack. What's a busy girl to do?

When I get like this, I know what my treatment is. To sit at the feet of Jesus and listen, reflect, and unwind my tightly-wound self. It's my therapy. Saying things like: Why do I do this? Why do I like being busy? It separates me from God, I know this. But why did He make me this way only to allow it to separate me from him? Ugh. I must be thick or something, but I just keep struggling with this.

Anywho. I just decided to dump it out there on the internet for all to see. One day I will have clarity about this and I will probably share it. Until then...